You may have heard about the golf shop in Belfast city centre that yon big middle aged fat bloke tried to set on fire with his handy dandy firebomb. He kinda messed it up and set fire to himself before he bravely ran away like a human shooting star screaming "mammy mammy."
Well it turns out he is a well toasted member of that dissident group that no one can say the name of, ya know, the Eggnog Na Heron ah fuck it I'll just stick to the Scots Gaelic version of it Oogly Na Boogly .
They have released a statement saying how golf is the game of elitist, imperialist, British oppressors who dress funny and play a round with the boys and it's sooo boring. Rory McIlroy should take note, it's all on him. He should play for Ireland instead of living in America, making loads of money and shagging hot chicks .... whats that about?
They went on to say:
Other elitist games such as tennis and cricket are also legitimate targets and should beware, we are not afraid to fuck up your carpets in our struggle to gain name recognition ..... oh and a united Ireland, I nearly forgot that one.
For the life of me I could never work out how killing yer own people could possibly achieve a united Ireland. Much like how rioting and being total pricks could never get yer fleg back, it will only get you mocked.
Old Knudsen did a little investigating and it turns out that the Oogly Na Boogly are getting money and experienced advice from terrorist sympathisers on the east coast of America.
A popular American terrorist trick is to fill a paper bag with dog shit, place it on the porch of yer target's hoose, set the bag on fire, ring the door bell and run. When the target answers the door and sees the flames they go to stamp it out thus setting off a foot plus dog shit chain reaction.
The money for the lighter fluid and the paper bag came through ok but the phone line was a bad connection.
Instead what the Oogly Na Boogly did was get a shit head and put a paper bag on his head and told him to set fire to it in a golf shop . Dissidents are not very intelligent people, a life on welfare or a job in politics are the only real life options open for them .... no wonder they are so angry.
The people of Northern Ireland have a don't give a fuck attitude, we have the strength and courage of warrior poets of old and probably some Buckfast flowing in our veins, if we plan to go shopping or to go partying, the threat of a bomb or some fat bloke setting himself on fire will not deter us.
The Troubles did not break us, sure it made us paranoid, suspicious of all and incapable of love but it did not break us, nor will the fuck witted Fleggers or the pathetic Oogly Na Boogly.
"Fear is for the weak, don't waste my time" ~ Old Knudsen